woman walking on beachThe pursuit of happiness has long been thought of as one of the inalienable rights of people. However, more and more, I see people in my psychology practice who claim that the just aren’t happy and seem to have no idea how to find happiness.  There are always things in our lives that cause unhappiness and discontent, there are things that we all need, want and responsibilities we must take care of. But if we spend our time and energy focusing on the things we can’t control, the less energy we will have to focus on our inner selves and what really makes us happy.

Many of us feel that the more control we have in our lives, the happier we will be. Ironically, it is often the attempts to inappropriately control events in our lives that ultimately cause unhappiness. The use of control is paradoxical: we believe taking control will bring us security and happiness, yet by going to extremes to control your life often causes unhappiness, anxiety, and dissatisfaction.

People often replay past mistakes over and over again, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape their actions in the present. They cling to frustration, fear  and worry about the future, as if the act of obsession somehow gives them power. They hold stress in their minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm. By learning how to let go of the pain, stress and suffering we can begin to allow ourselves to learn what’s important to be stress free and happy.

LET GO OF YOUR NEED TO BE RIGHT

Many of us are so attached to the notion that we have to be right that we often end up causing those we care about much stress and even run the risk of ending great relationships. Before you dig your heals in order to prove you are right, stop and ask yourself “Is it better to be right or is it better to be happy?”

LET GO OF YOUR NEED FOR CONTROL

In life, there will always be things that we cannot control. By taking a step back and allowing the other people around you to control their own energy, you can let go of the weight and focus on your own positive energy.

LET GO OF BLAME

Many times when we’re angry, we focus on what someone else did that was wrong—which essentially giving away your power. When we focus on what we could have done better, we often feel empowered and less bitter.

LET GO OF SELF-DEPRICATING SELF-TALK

Why are we often so much more critical of ourselves than we are of others? If we can start to let go of our negative, hurtful words, and begin to show ourselves the same kindness that we often show others, we can begin to embrace a more positive and peaceful state of mind.

LET GO OF THE NEED TO IMPRESS OTHERS

Happiness comes from learning how to be happy with who you are. This won’t happen if you are always striving to be someone you’re not, just so others will like you.

LET GO OF COMPLAINING

Remember how annoying whiny kids are? Same goes for whiny adults. Nobody can make you unhappy; no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it.

LET GO OF FEAR

Fear is a product of your imagination. It occurs when we imagine the ill-fated futures that we’d hate to see become a reality. By letting go of the fear, you can begin to act on desire of what you want, rather than letting fear of the unknown continue to paralyze you.

LET GO OF OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS

Too many people are living a life that they don’t want. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them; their parents, their partners, their friends or their teachers. By trying live up to other people’s expectations we lose control over our lives. We forget what makes us happy and eventually we begin to lose ourselves.  By refusing to let other people’s opinions distract you from your path, you can begin to live the life you want for yourself.

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