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How To Keep Your Child Safe Online

Posted by  on Thursday, October 4th 2012     

mom and kids looking at the computer screenKeeping your kids safe in today’s digital world is getting tougher and tougher. Kids are becoming more and more tech savvy at an earlier age. Just offer a toddler your iPad and you’ll see what I mean. While their ability to navigate the increasingly complex world of technology is improving, their ability to discern between what is safe and unsafe in terms of web content is a skill that must be developed over time and with parental guidance. Education, communication and rules can go a long way in helping your child understand how to stay safe online, whether it’s opening questionable links, uploading a YouTube video or texting their friends.

Communication should always be the first line of defense when dealing with any parenting issues and having “the talk” about cyber safety should be just as important as having the “other talk.” As your child begins to use the computer, Internet or your smartphone, it’s essential to ensure that they understand a few basic facts and safety rules:

  • What goes online stays online. Forever.
  • They are never to give out personal information.
  • Make sure they understand what photos are appropriate to post and where it’s ok to post them.
  • Ensure that they know these rules migrate to any computer they are on (even when they’re at a friend’s house).

Have the Talk

It’s scary to have to talk to your children about online predators but it can be done in an age appropriate and sensitive manner. Stress the importance of never meeting someone they have met online in person and encourage then to always trust their gut when asked inappropriate or personal questions. When deciding whether or not to allow your child to chat online, ensure that they are only on kid-friendly sites.

Have an Open Window Policy

One key aspect to helping your child stay safe online is to have an open window policy. Computers should always be kept in a public area in the home. Make sure your kids know that nothing they do online, their phones, iPads or iPods is private. Passwords are to be shared with parents and are not to be changed without permission. Ensure that your kids know that you can (and should) check their social network accounts periodically and without warning. They are not to delete their history and they should always ask permission before going online.

Know Where Your Kids are Surfing

Show interest in where your kids are surfing. Ask them which sites they like to visit. Help your child learn to think critically by encouraging purpose-driven searching – figuring out which words typed into the search box will bring them the best results. Have the pop-up blocker on when your kids are using the Internet. Look for warning signs that your child is looking at unsanctioned sites, like switching screens as soon as you walk into the room.

Be attentive to signs of cyber-bullying and harassment. Warning signs include being hesitancy to be online, being nervous when a message appears or emotional distress after using the Internet or getting a text or a sudden change in your child’s behaviour.

Use Parental Controls

Luckily, there are a plethora of technologies available to help you monitor your child’s usage. Many devices have parental control measures built-in. You can create a user with a password-protected admin control to allow you to set restrictions on your children’s usage. You can set the computer to shut off at, say, 10 p.m.

You can also set limits that control how long your child can use a device (one hour, two hours, etc.), and set filters on incoming and outgoing chats, approve “buddies” for online chat services, as well as what websites are viewable. Google also has many safety tools, including a YouTube Safety Mode that filters out age-inappropriate content. This is an advantage for parents who like to share funny YouTube videos with their kids, but are worried they might stumble upon undesirable content.

For a child just starting out on the Internet set the Internet restrictions to the maximum and have them earn lower restrictions as they grow and demonstrate responsible behaviour.

There’s an app for that

Having a mobile kid means sharing media via the smartphone. You can control content at the search engine level on your smart phone too by using tools like Google’s SafeSearch which is accessible on any mobile device. Just choose settings located at the bottom of the screen and you’ll see the option to select Strict, Moderate or to turn SafeSearch off completely.

The best way for a parent to keep their child safe online is to step into their cyber world. Just as a parent knows all the details of the playground, they need to know all the details of their child’s online playground. The Internet is a wondrous tool that can open up your child’s world and expand their mind. But, just like the offline playground, the Internet has its hidden dangers. By taking the online journey with your child, setting firm guidelines and getting involved, you can succeed in helping your child stay safe online.

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Teaching Your Children About Money

Posted by  on Friday, September 21st 2012     

little girls counting her moneyIt’s always a fine line when trying to teach your children about money matters but good money management is one of the most valuable skills you can pass on to your children. Making wise money decisions is an important skill at all stages of life but as a parent, teaching your kids about money now can build the foundation for a successful financial life in the future.

Start Early

It’s never too early to start teaching your kids about money management. Kids can learn how to save their pennies in a piggy bank even before they can count.  Teaching preschoolers the difference between what things cost in the store, whether a loaf of bread is $2 or $5, can make learning about money fun. Let them pay for small things in a store and get the change back helps small children learn about what money is all about. Older kids can make sure they get the right change back. Keep an open discussion about the difference between what you need and what you want.

Teach them the Value of Money

It’s so important that kids understand the importance of money and its proper use. Teaching them how vital it is to start a habit of saving from an early age so that they do not face tough times later on. As they get older, teaching them about the more complex money matters, like credit cards, different type of personal loans, the ways to get them and the importance of repaying them in due time and the dangers behind borrowing money.

Save for a Rainy Day

It’s always a good idea to open a savings account for your child. It’s a place to put birthday and holiday money and later, a portion of their allowance. It also lets them to watch their balance grow. It can be a great learning experience to have your child save their money for a toy or gadget they want. Encourage your child to put loose change a jar so they can see it grow and then have then pay for their small expenses.

Help Them Prioritize

Many parents find that when their children are spending their own money for the things they want (but don’t really need) they are better able to prioritize what’s important and they are better able to choose wisely when spending money.

Let Them Work For It

Children need to feel the emotional connection between work and money. One way to establish it: Pay kids commissions, not allowances. They’ll learn that if they work, they’ll get paid; if they don’t, they won’t. That’s the rule for parents—it should go for kids, too.

Teach Them to Budget

By decreasing the frequency of allowances that you give each month, you can help teach your child how to budget their money. For example, instead of giving your child an allowance on a weekly basis, reduce the frequency to twice or once per month. Monthly or bi-monthly payments are something your child will encounter in the real world when he or she has a job, and this allowance practice will teach them to create a spending plan.

Encourage your kids to carry cash

With today’s banking technology, it’s so easy to stick with plastic. Encourage your children to carry cash. This will help them understand what things really cost, because they will have to hand over the actual dollars and cents. By using a certain amount of cash each week as a personal allowance it will help your children establish a budget and a spending limit. And in case of emergency, having $20 on you is a nice safety net in case your debit card doesn’t work.

Teach Them to Give

An important lesson about money management is that there are always those who are less fortunate than we are. We can help young children realize this lesson by having them donate their outgrown toys or clothes to charity and for older children, an allowance can be as handy a tool for fostering charity as it is for teaching other aspects of money management.

Some important tasks of parenting include teaching your children delayed gratification, responsibility, and kindness to others. Believe it or not, all three of these lessons can be learned by teaching your child money management. While some money-management lessons come from trial and error, the ultimate lesson is about wants versus needs. With your guidance, you can motivate your children to make wise money-management choices—a priceless gift that can help them become debt-free adults.

 

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Learning to Say No: How Raise Responsible Children

Posted by  on Tuesday, September 11th 2012     

family doing chores togetherIn today’s world of surplus, where 6 year olds have cell phones and teens are given cars without having to work for them, many children are growing up with a strong (and unhealthy) sense of entitlement. For various reasons, many of today’s parents feel they have to go all-out for their children, whether it’s for birthday parties, vacations, holidays, or by providing them with the newest and most expensive toys and gadgets.

Why do parents do this?  Perhaps out of a sense of competition with other parents, guilt or wanting to provide their children with what they didn’t have growing up. My guess is that their actions have more to do with what’s going on inside of them rather than what their children may need or expect.  Whatever the reasons, it can lead children to develop an entitlement mindset. When they head out into the real world, this sense of entitlement can leave young adults unprepared for the challenges they will undoubtedly face as adults.

In reality, I often find myself struggling with these same issues. It’s difficult to balance my desire to give my kids everything, with my knowledge that if I make my daughters work for what they want, they will recognize the value of things and get to feel that sense of satisfaction when they achieve their goals. It’s also partly for selfish reasons. I hate saying no to my girls. I do want them to have everything they want and while there is one part of me that knows this really isn’t in their best interest (or in my financial reality), there’s another part that feels awful every time I say no.

I grew up in a middle class family.  While my parents weren’t wealthy, they did provide my younger brother and me with what we needed. We always had new clothes for school; we were able to go to camp in the summer and a family trip to Florida each year to visit my grandparents.  Not as much as some but definitely more than others.  I remember times when I wanted what my friends had and I was told no. When I went on some of the same school trips as my friends, I had to work to earn the money to go.  When I wanted to borrow the car as a teenager, I was the one who got up at 5 am to drive my dad to the airport when he traveled for business so I could use his car.  As an adult looking back, I can honestly say that I don’t feel I was deprived in any way. When it all comes down to it, my parents gave my brother and I the really important things – love, discipline, stability and their time.

I’ll always cherish the memories of my childhood. I remember my dad taking us to the airport to watch planes take off. I remember family cook-outs and picnics with friends in the summer and I remember skating outside in the winter. Birthdays were always celebrated with a cake and singing. As a matter of fact, I remember that each special occasion was celebrated with cake and lots of singing. And photographs. My mom took pictures about everything.  A good thing too, since now I can look back with my girls and laugh at all the memories. The fact is, when you have children, you can create memories they will cherish for the rest of their lives without showering them with lavish gifts or events or toys.

As a psychologist, I know that the whole point of parenting is to gradually prepare a child to deal with the challenges of life as an adult. Giving kids everything they want not only doesn’t prepare them, it does quite the opposite. It keeps them from learning how to earn things through hard work, sweat and tears. In reality, many parents who had it rough when they were kids often don’t appreciate what those struggles did for them. They often compensate for this with a misguided strategy of giving their children everything they ask for. This may meet the child’s short term needs; along with the parent’s need for being the “hero,”  but it does little to teach a child about responsibility and accountability.

As a mom, saying no is often overwhelming and guilt provoking.  When the guilt of saying no gets the best of me, I take a deep breath and try to remind myself of what’s important.  I try to remember that as a mom, the most important things I want my girls to take with them from their childhood are their positive memories. Memories of a family life filled with music, laughter and love.

It takes a great effort, but I try to remember that by saying no to my girls, by making them earn toys and privileges, I am making them stronger and more resilient.  I remind myself that in reality, the most important need that every child has is to feel loved, valued and understood. If I can meet those needs in my children, they will be better equipped to handle both the difficulties and successes in life. And that’s what being a good mom all is about, right?

Posted with permission from Ali Goldfield – Freelance Writer

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How to Raise Self-Reliant Children

Posted by  on Tuesday, August 7th 2012     

child holding thank you signBeing a parent is one of the most fulfilling and rewarding experiences a person can have. We often start the journey into parenting with immense hopes and dreams for our children’s future and a desire to grow happy and healthy kids.  At times, however, in our efforts to create a happy child, could we actually be giving our kids too many choices, too much praise and constant encouragement? Are we failing to balance the praise with criticisms, even when the criticisms are well deserved?

In July, 2011, Lori Gottlieb wrote an article titled How to Land Your Kid in Therapy. She claims that in our strive to create a generation of kids with high self-esteem and drive, we are guilty of being so attuned to their every need that we are actually raising a generation of unhappy kids who are unable to cope with real life. She states that in our Herculean efforts to protect our children from any type of discomfort and unhappiness, we are growing a generation that is unable to deal with any type of failure, frustration or struggle.

In today’s world of helicopter parenting, we attempt to give our children the opportunities we didn’t have as children. We enroll them in lesson after lesson, we try to solve their mistakes and reduce the amount of discomfort they experience in their daily lives. Wendy Mogul, author of The Blessing of a B Minus writes that “Our instincts are to overprotect [our children], to overindulge them, to over-schedule them and to fight their battles for them. But that deprives them of the most critical learning they need to do.”

As a parent, it can be agony to see your child struggle. Whether it’s learning a new skill, making new friends or deal with an unpleasant situation, there will always be times when the best thing you can do as a parent is to take a step back and allow your child to struggle in order to succeed. Mogul advocated what she calls compassionate detachment — you detach from the specific moment, but you don’t detach from the child.  She believes that you have to recognize that kids can’t be good problem solvers unless they have problems to solve. They have to make dumb mistakes to get smart. As a parent, you need to be attentive, but not alarmed. So there is definitely involvement, but not an anxious hovering.

How and When To Step Aside

  • Wait it out: Often, a problem arises quickly and can fizzle out just as quickly. By waiting a bit to see which direction the situation takes, you are giving your child the ability to react appropriately or come to you for help.
  • Be compassionate but not entangled: Show interest in the problem and be kind but don’t sound the alarm immediately. Sometimes, giving your child some time to vent and talk about what’s going on will allow them to create their own solutions.
  • Show some faith: By allowing your child to problem-solve and try to figure out solutions, they will become confident in their own ability to solve their own problems.
  • Normalize feelings of frustration: By letting your child know that it’s okay to feel frustrated and angry, you are validating their feelings without offering solutions, again demonstrating your confidence in your child’s ability to take care of themselves.
  • Encourage your child to seek help: Teach kids to problem-solve with other adults, like coaches or teachers, instead of you always running to their aid.
  • Distinguish dramas from emergencies: If a situation is one where you would consider calling 911, or if it looks like it is starting to get out of control, definitely intervene. Otherwise, learn to your gauge your child’s demeanor to distinguish situations that are ordinary or out-of-control.

Raising self-reliant children is an essential life skill children need in order to grow into well-developed adults. Self-reliant children have increased confidence in their own abilities, the capacity to see struggles through and the capability to work for what they want. I promise, one day they’ll thank you for it!

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Why Diet Should Be A Four Letter Word

Posted by  on Tuesday, July 3rd 2012     

This post is re-posted with permission from Second Act Consignment Dancewear.

I was surfing the web today and came upon a book entitled “Maggie Goes on a Diet.” My heart sank. As a therapist and the mother of two girls who dance competitively, I have always been very aware of the issues surrounding body image and weight. While I do believe that childhood obesity is a serious issue, to create a book whose premise is that by losing weight, Maggie is transformed from an insecure overweight girl to a normal sized soccer star is unsettling.

As a dance mom, the issue of a positive lifestyle, healthy eating habits and taking care of your body have often been discussed in our household. I try to focus on how and why to make healthy food choices, why we need to stay active and when (due to strains and injuries) we need to rest and take care of our bodies. Not once in our discussions has the words diet come into the conversation. I believe that Maggie Goes on a Diet, which is, in fact, aimed at 4-8 year olds, sends the wrong message. It implies that if you lose weight, you will be happier, more self-confident and popular. I feel that this is the exact opposite message that I want my daughters, who are already bombarded by negative messages in the media, to hear.

I agree that childhood obesity is epidemic. One in three North American children is overweight or obese. But to aim a book at 4-8 year olds that deigns to use the word “diet” is not the answer. Counting calories and pursuing weight loss is for not appropriate for children. Eating disorders often begin with diets and inadequate nourishment during critical growth stages. Although not all children are predisposed to anorexia, bulimia or other eating disorders, the best prevention tool we have is making sure young people are neither encouraged to nor allowed to diet. Instead, parents should be modeling healthy eating habits, teaching their children how to make healthy food choices, engaging in fun family fitness and helping their children focus on their strengths and skills instead of their looks.

What do you think?

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How To Stay Healthy For The Summer

Posted by  on Thursday, May 24th 2012     

girl running with parentsBeing physically active and eating healthy is important for growing children. While summer is a time of activity, like swimming, biking, running, it’s still important to maintain a healthy lifestyle and diet in order maintain healthy growth and development.  What steps should you take, as a parent, to ensure that your child is meeting the proper physical activity and nutritional needs over the summer?

Exercise Guidelines For Children

  • Children between one and four should spend 180 minutes each day being active. Whether walking, playing outside, swimming or dancing.
  • By the age of five, children should have at least 60 minutes per day of energetic activity, like biking, running, hopping or skipping.
  • For children over five, included in the 60 minutes per day should be bone strengthening activity, muscle building activity and aerobic activity (each at least 3 times per week)
  • Guidelines state that children under 5 should have no more than one hour each day in front of a screen, whether it’s a TV screen, computer screen or iPad screen.

Maintaining a Healthy Diet

While exercising and being active are critical to good health, following a healthy diet is vital as well. Take advantage of abundant fresh, seasonal produce this summer when it’s at its freshest and most nutritious. There are great summer recipes that make it easy to fill your diet with low-calorie, antioxidant-rich fruits, vegetables and herbs. Ripe peaches boast beta carotene, blueberries are rich in vitamin C and fresh-picked corn is full of folate. If you can’t get fresh produce from your garden you can always find some at your local farmers’ market.

The table below from Canada’s Food Guide outlines the number of servings from each of the four food groups based on age and gender. Remember that a portion is usually the size of your palm or between ½ and 1 cup of liquid.

Canadian Food Guidelines Table

When trying to ensure that your child is active and eating healthy, remember that parents are key players when it comes to fostering a healthy lifestyle and awareness of the importance of being active and eating properly. Parents need to lead by example and eat healthy and engage in fun physical activity together as a family. By staying healthy over the summer, your child will be ready to take on the world in the fall.

category: blog, Children, Parenting

How To Build A Strong Relationship With Your Grandchild

Posted by  on Tuesday, April 24th 2012     

child kissing grandparentsBeing a grandparent can be a great source of joy. It can help you feel young, it gives you the chance to hold a baby and it gives you the chance to share the things you’re passionate about with a new audience.  As a grandparent, you want to make the most of the time you are able to spend with your grandchildren. Whether you are a full-time grandparent, long-distance grandparent or step-grandparent, it’s important to find ways to maintain a strong relationship with your grandchildren.

Many grandparents, both new and seasoned, have many questions about being a grandparent: How do I stay involved, but not too involved, how do I make sure I’m not stepping on my children’s toes regarding parenting issues and how can I stay connected with my grandchildren as they grow up.  Unfortunately, grandparenting doesn’t come with an instruction manual.

Establish Your Role

Grandparenting is a great opportunity see the world through younger eyes again. It gives you the experience of the wonder and magic of seeing life through your grandchildren’s eyes, it allows you to share your own life experiences with someone new and it allows you to experience the pleasures of interacting with your grandchildren on a level that is removed from the day-to-day responsibilities of parenting.   Often, grandparents can act as historians of the family lore and help to create a sense of tradition in your grandchild’s life.

There are, however, many different roles that you can play as a grandparent. In order to take that first step in establishing a strong and healthy relationship with your grandchildren, it’s important to consider the following:

  • Be clear about the role you want to play: Think about how often do you want to babysit and whether you want to be included in your grandchild’s daily routine, like school pick up and other functions.
  • Talk to your own children about what their expectations are: Many grown children have an idea of what role they want their parents to play. It’s important to sort this out before misunderstandings arise.
  • Discuss discipline with your children beforehand: Will your children expect you to discipline your grandchildren? What methods are they comfortable with?
  • Babyproof your own home: It’s likely been a long time since you had little ones in your home. Your children are more likely to visit if they know their children have a safe place to play.
  • Recognize that all parenting styles are not the same: Even though you may expect your child to raise your grandchild in the same way you raised them, this does not always happen. Learning to respect your grown child’s opinions about child rearing, discipline styles and values is key to a good relationship with your grandchildren.

In establishing your role as a grandparent, however, there are a few pitfalls that you should try to avoid.  Trying to be the parent, trying to buy your grandchild’s affection, overindulging your grandchild and ignoring the boundaries set out by their parents are sure ways of alienating your children and perhaps causing them to limit your access to your grandchildren.

Staying Connected

Unfortunately, a large majority of grandparents live far away from their grandchildren. The distance can make it difficult to keep up with the day-to-day details of your grandchild’s life.  Even when grandparents do not live far away, with busy lives, hectic extra-curricular schedules and the demands of friends and school, it may be hard to be as involved with your grandchildren as you would like. Here are a few ways that you can stay connected despite the distance or life circumstances:

If You’re Nearby:

  • Make a Date: If you are nearby, or are able to visit your grandchild, making a date to do something special, just the two of you is a great way to renew bonds. Going for lunch, shopping, to a sporting event, taking in a movie or having a sleepover can help you stay connected. As a grandparent, it’s your job to make time together fun and easy.  Leave the harder tasks of parenting to their parents.
  • Establish rituals. Every Fourth of July, birthday or other family celebration, measure your grandchild’s height on the closet door, and compare it to his dad’s at the same age. Or, plant a special garden with perennials and watch them grow every year.
  • Be involved in your grandchild’s school life. Arrange to take her to school, or pick her up some afternoons, if possible. You might also ask her teacher for ways to help out in the classroom, such as by reading books to the children or helping at snack time. At the park after school, throw the ball around, or push her on the swings.

 If You’re Far Away:

  • Go digital: The Internet can add a whole new dimension to grandparenting. Video conferencing, texting, emailing and chatting can help you stay connected to your grandchildren. Play online games, start an online book club and exchange jokes and stories online.
  • Send mail the old fashioned way: It’s always great to get a letter. Before they learn to read, sending pictures and as they get older, regular letters are sure to put a smile on their faces. Sending care packages is even better!
  • Pick up the phone: It’s very inexpensive these days to stay connected over the phone. Try establishing a regular routine in calling your grandchildren that doesn’t interfere with homework or dance class. Don’t limit phone calls to birthdays or special events.  Feel free to call often and stay connected.

While being a grandparent can be a wondrous and joyful time in your life, distance and circumstances often make it challenging. Research has shown that when grandparents are involved with their grandchildren, even from a distance, the different generations are much happier. The more effort you put into making connections with your grandchildren, the stronger these bonds become and the harder it will be to break them. Grandchildren will value the memories of shared times for their entire lives. Visiting with them as often as you can is important, as is making the most of your time together, whether it’s face-to-face or through new technology. Every little bit counts.

 

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Thirty Ways To Tell Your Child You Love Them

Posted by  on Wednesday, April 18th 2012     

note from mom Life is busy. In the process of running between work, school and extra-curricular activities, we can sometimes forget how fast our children grow up. One minute they’re toddlers clinging to our legs begging us not to go out for the evening and the next minute they’re moody teenagers grabbing their car keys on the way out the door. In the midst of the hustle and bustle, it’s easy to forget to tell your children how much you love them. It doesn’t take much. Sometimes just an impromptu hug will do. Here are 30 ways to show your children you love them.

  1. Leave a note in your child’s lunchbox telling them how much you love them.
  2. Stop what you’re doing and listen to your child when he or she talks to you.
  3. Kneel down and look your child in the eye when they speak to you.
  4. Make a date with your child and keep it. Just the two of you.
  5. Tell your child about the day they were born and how special that day was to you.
  6. Take note of the great things your child does and make sure to comment on them.
  7. Choose a secret word, sign or gesture that only you and your child know to use in public to say I love you.
  8. Ask for their advice and take it.
  9. Praise all their efforts.
  10. Climb into bed with your child instead of just tucking them in. Sometimes the best conversations happen at bedtime.
  11. Have a dessert-first dinner.
  12. Kidnap your child and take them on an outing.
  13. Make them breakfast in bed.
  14. Have a movie night and let them pick the movie.
  15. Brag about your kids in public and make sure they overhear you.
  16. Sneak little gifts under their pillow.
  17. Put the music on and dance with your child.
  18. Establish family traditions, like birthday breakfast in bed or Tuesday spaghetti night.
  19. Ask your child about their day and ask questions when they tell you about it.
  20. Bake together.
  21. Be affectionate with your child.
  22. Be excited when they walk in the door.
  23. Share their baby book with them.
  24. Tell them how wonderful it is to be their parent.
  25. Display their artwork on your wall.
  26. Celebrate all of their accomplishments.
  27. Ask your child to teach you something.
  28. Tell them you’re sorry when you’re wrong.
  29. Make and keep promises
  30. Tell Them you love them. Often.
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When The Baby Blues Are Something More

Posted by  on Tuesday, April 17th 2012     

mother holding her childHaving a baby is one of the most exciting experiences in a woman’s life. It can also be terrifying, exhausting, confusing and frustrating. After giving birth, many women feel tired and overwhelmed by the multitude of emotions that they may be experiencing. A woman may feel frightened by the responsibility of taking care of another person; she may feel alone, isolated and even angry or incompetent. At times, instead of feeling love and awe toward her new baby, she may feel resentful or inadequate.

While these feelings may cause anxiety for both the new mother and for those around her, these feelings are very common.  However, while almost 80 percent of new moms experience the “baby blues” after giving birth, if they last more than two weeks and if they affect her ability to take care of herself and her infant, it may be that the “baby blues” have progressed into postpartum depression.

What Is Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression is a form of clinical depression that a mother can experience within the first few weeks, months or even up to a year after your baby is born. Postpartum depression is more common than many people think, affecting 12-16% of mothers. This number is even higher in teenage mothers. And it isn’t only first time moms that can experience postpartum depression; studies have shown that it can also affect women who have had children as well as adoptive mothers. In fact, it some studies have shown that it can even affect dads/partners too!

What Are the Symptoms?

In the beginning, symptoms of postpartum depression can look like the normal baby blues. In fact, they often share the same symptoms: mood swings, crying, irritability and insomnia. The difference between the baby blues and postpartum depression, however, is both the intensity and the duration of the symptoms. Postpartum depression usually sets in soon after childbirth and develops gradually over a period of several months. But postpartum depression can also come on suddenly, and in some women, the first signs don’t appear until months after they’ve given birth. Symptoms include:

  • Irritability
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Excessive anxiety or worry
  • Crying or tearfulness
  • Anger
  • Negative feelings such as sadness, hopelessness, helplessness or guilt
  • Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
  • Difficulty sleeping or returning to sleep
  • Fatigue or exhaustion
  • Changes in appetite
  • Headaches or body aches

What Can I Do?

  • Get Help:  Tell your doctor if you are having symptoms or you are not sure.  Your doctor can refer you to a counselor or psychologist who can help with psychotherapy or medication, if it’s needed.
  • Get Your Rest: Sleep is one of the most important remedies for improving your mood. Sleep when the baby sleeps – even if it’s during the day. If your having difficulty falling asleep because of anxiety, tell your doctor. Communicate your needs with your partner, family and friends to help you get more sleep at night and during the day.
  • Exercise: As soon as your doctor say it’s OK, start walking – alone or with the baby. Any aerobic exercise will help you sleep and reduce your anxiety.  Take it easy and slowly increase your distance each week until you are walking or moving for about an hour a day.
  • Seek support:  Caring for an infant can be extremely isolating. But you’re not alone. There are other moms who understand what you are going through, who share some of your worries and questions, and who have lots of ideas.  Ask your friends, family, clergy or community centers about groups for new moms. Seek out friends who have had babies, get out of the house and go to the park. There’s also a whole community of moms online who discuss postpartum depression and provide support to each other.
  • Ask for help: It’s hard to do it all alone. Ask for help from family and friends in order to make time for yourself for least an hour or two several times a week.  Having your own time will help you re-group and center yourself so you can then focus on your baby. Keep in mind that it’s hard to care for others when you are running on empty.
  • Keep your expectations in check.  Caring for a newborn can be challenging and is extremely time consuming.  Set reasonable goals each day and do your best to let go of the small stuff.

Usually, the best defense against postpartum depression is a good offence. Taking care of yourself is the best way to ensure that you are able to take care of your child. However, if you are still struggling, even with the help of family and friends, it may be time to seek professional help.

 

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Ten Tips For Talking To Your Child About Sex

Posted by  on Monday, April 2nd 2012     

girl kissing pregnant bellySex is an important part of being human. Not only does it involve the physical act of intercourse but it also involves a whole host of accompanying emotions. However, talking about sex is something most people would rather avoid doing and talking to your children about sex may come second to root canal on the list of things we would rather not do. Nevertheless, talking to your children about love, intimacy and sex is an important part of parenting. But how do you know when your child is ready to talk about sex and how, as a parent, do you broach the subject?

The first step in talking to your children about sex is recognizing what they can understand, given their age and level of development. Below are general guideline to what your child can understand, in age-appropriate terms, and what types of questions they may ask:

What A Child Can Understand

  • Ages 2-3: The right words for penis and vagina
  • Ages 3-4: That a baby comes from Mommy’s tummy
  • Ages 4-5: How a baby is born
  • Ages 6-7: A general idea of how babies are made ranging from “mommy and daddy made you together” to “a tiny cell inside daddy called a sperm joined with a tiny cell inside Mommy called an egg.”
  • Ages 8-9: The basics of intercourse, its importance in marriage, love and relationships and a basic understanding of safety topics, such as sexual abuse and rape.
  • 9-11: The changes associated with puberty and an awareness of sex-related topics on the news.
  • Age 12+: Formulation of their own values about sex and sexuality

When you were younger, it’s likely that the one thing you dreaded most was the infamous “sex talk” with your parents. Experts today recognize that the best way to prepare your child is actually not to have “the sex talk.” Instead, it’s best to begin teaching your child about sex and sexuality at birth.

Laying the foundation for an open dialogue about sex and sexuality should begin as early as possible. Studies show that kids who feel that they can talk with their parents about sex – because their parents are not uncomfortable talking openly about it and listen to what their kids have to say – are less likely to engage in high-risk sexual behaviors as teenagers than kids who do not feel they can come to their parents with questions and concerns.

Learning about sexuality is a normal part of child development and trying to answer your child’s questions in an open, honest and age-appropriate way is always the best strategy. When beginning the dialogue about sex and sexuality, parents should respond to the needs and curiosity level of their child, offering no more or no less information than the child can understand. Here are some steps to follow:

  1. Start Early: By talking to your child about sex and sexuality early on, in a very simple, age-appropriate way, you will get more comfortable talking about sex so when the really big questions come up, it won’t hit you out of the blue.
  2. Take the Initiative: If your child is not asking questions about sex, look for opportunities to bring it up. Taking them to the farm in the spring when the calves and lambs are born or asking them how they think the baby got into your friend’s belly is a great way to break the ice.
  3. Use Teachable Moments: When you’re at the movies with your pre-teen or see a couple kissing on the street, use these moments to explore how your child feels about relationships and sex.
  4. Give Accurate, Age-Appropriate Information: While a 3-year-old doesn’t need to know the explicit details of sexual acts, by laying a solid foundation with age-appropriate information, you are opening the door for future conversations.
  5. Talk About The Emotional Aspects of Sexuality: When talking about sex, make sure your child knows that adult relationships are more than just sex. They involve care, concern, and responsibility. Discussing the consequences of sexual activity should also be included in conversation with any pre-teen or teenage child.
  6. Anticipate the Next Stage: It’s scary enough growing up and changing. If your child is prepared for the next stage of puberty before it happens, you will reduce any anxiety that your child will experience.
  7. Talk About The Opposite Sex: Don’t forget to include a dialogue about what’s happening to the other sex as well.
  8. Make Your Values Known: While it’s important to talk about the mechanics of sex, it’s important to make sure your child knows and understands your values about love, sex and relationships. They may not adopt all your values as they grow but at least they will be aware of them.
  9. Model a Healthy Relationship with Your Spouse: Your relationship with your partner is your child’s first model of a relationship. By treating each other with respect, enjoying each other’s company and modeling a caring and compassionate relationship, your child will seek that out in a future partner.
  10. Relax: It’s ok if you don’t know all the answers to your child’s questions. A willingness to explore the answers together will go a long way toward ensuring that the lines of communication stay open.

 

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