Therapy Stew

Everything You Wanted To Know About Psychology But Were Afraid To Ask

Therapy Stew

Archives for Anxiety

Dealing With Trauma

Posted by  on Sunday, November 11th 2012     

Emotional and psychological trauma can be caused by single-blow, one-time events, such as a horrible accident, a natural disaster, or a violent attack. Trauma can also stem from ongoing, relentless stress, such as living in a crime-ridden neighborhood or struggling with cancer. It is very normal for people to experience many emotional and physical aftershocks or stress reactions following a traumatic event. Sometimes these aftershocks appear almost immediately after the event but sometimes it may take a few hours, days or even weeks before any type of negative stress reactions appear. Individual responses may include intense fear, shame, helplessness, or horror. Depending on the severity of the event, the signs and symptoms of trauma may last a few days, several weeks or months, or even longer.

When bad things happen, it can take a while to get over the physical and emotional pain and feel safe again. The way someone deals with trauma depends on his or her own history and prior experiences.The most common reaction include shock and denial. Someone in shock may feel stunned, dazed or numb. They may find it easier to cut off from your feelings and from what is going on around you. When a person is in denial, they are unable to accept what happened so they behave as though it didn’t. It may take several hours, days or weeks before the denial gradually fades and other feelings and thoughts take place.

What happens next?

People react differently to trauma and it may take different amounts of time to come to terms with what has happened. Even so, you may be surprised by the strength of your feelings. It is normal to experience a mix of feelings. You may feel:

  • Frightened that the same thing will happen again, or that you might lose control of your feelings and break down.
  • Helpless that something really bad happened and you could do nothing about it. You feel helpless, vulnerable and overwhelmed.
  • Angry about what has happened and with whoever was responsible.
  • Guilty that you have survived when others have suffered or died. You may feel that you could have done something to prevent it.
  • Sad particularly if people were injured or killed, especially someone you knew.
  • Ashamed or embarrassed that you have these strong feelings you can’t control, especially if you need others to support you.
  • Relieved that the danger is over and that the danger has gone.
  • Hopeful that your life will return to normal. People can start to feel more positive about things quite soon after a trauma.

What Can You Do for Yourself?

There are many ways you can help yourself deal with a traumatic event. Some are healthy and some are not. It is important to try to take each day at a time and to do what you know is right for you. Everyone has their own way of coping with trauma. These are some general suggestions about what can help.

  • Recognise that you have been through a distressing experience and give yourself permission to experience your reactions to it. Don’t be angry with yourself for being upset. Remind yourself that you are not abnormal and that you can and are coping.
  • Don’t  use alcohol or other drugs to cope and avoid making any major decisions or big life changes.
  • Do not try to block out thoughts of what has happened. Gradually confronting what has happened will assist in coming to terms with the traumatic experience. It may help to share your feelings and experiences with others when opportunities arise. Although this may be really hard at times, talking to people you trust is helpful in dealing with trauma.
  • Allow yourself time to rest if you are feeling tired, and remember that regular exercise is important. Let your friends and family know what you need. Help them to help you by letting them know when you are tired, need time out, or need a chance to talk or just be with someone.
  • Make time to practise relaxation. You can use a formal technique such as progressive muscle relaxation or just make time to absorb yourself in a relaxing activity such as gardening or listening to music. This will help your body and nervous system to settle and readjust.
  • It’s not unusual for the trauma to stir up other memories or feelings from a past unrelated stressful occurrence, or even childhood experiences, If you need help dealing with the memories, that’s ok.
  • Express your feelings as they arise. Whether you discuss them with someone else or write them down in a diary, expressing feelings in some way often helps the healing process.

When bad things happen, it can take a while to get over the pain and feel safe again. But with the right treatment, self-help strategies, and support, you can speed your recovery. Whether the traumatic event happened years ago or yesterday, you can heal and move on.

 

Related articles
Enhanced by Zemanta
category: Anxiety, blog, Depression, General, Stress
tags: , ,

How To Help Your Perfectionist Child

Posted by  on Monday, February 27th 2012     

girls doing her homeworkFrom the time she could walk, my daughter was always the one who stayed behind in the front hall when we went to visit friends to organize the shoes. She will consistently make sure all the things in her room are in the right place and is overly concerned that she complete assignments and projects on time and that she studies for tests well before test day.  While many parents would be thrilled to have a well-organized and motivated child (and don’t get me wrong, I am), as a therapist, I recognize the fine line between a healthy achiever and a perfectionist.

A perfectionist wants to be perfect.

Perfectionist children have the tendency to set very high standards for themselves and are unhappy with things that do not meet those high expectations. Often, the standards they set for themselves are unrealistic, like when a young child with fine motor skills that are not fully developed expects to be able to draw pictures that look like the pictures they see in a book. Perfectionism is not always bad. Perfectionism can inspire our children to be motivated to do their best work, and to care about their performance. It only becomes problematic when the standards they set for themselves become so unrealistic that their perceived “less-than-perfect” behavior causes too much stress and anxiety for them to function normally.

Some children are so worried about succeeding at everything they do, they end up putting an inordinate amount of pressure on themselves to do well. Often, when they are unable to perform the way they want to, they fall apart.  A perfectionist child can become extremely anxious when they make a mistake and have a chronic fear of not performing up to what they have established their own standards to be. While the fear of making the wrong decision, a desire to avoid criticism and a need to know and follow the rules to the letter may seem like positive traits, in a perfectionist, they can lead to stress, anxiety, low self-esteem and self-worth.

Perfectionism can also be a concern because of its link to mental health issues, such as eating disorders, anxiety disorders, and self-injurious behaviours. Though it is difficult to establish direct cause and effect when it comes to perfectionism and such disorders, a tendency towards perfectionism should indicate to their parents that their child needs some help learning healthy coping skills. Even if a child does not suffer from a specific disorder, the tireless drive to be perfect at all times sets that child up for constant worrying and disappointment. In addition, when a child is always concerned with being perfect in school and other activities, she misses out on times when she can just enjoy herself.

How To Calm Your Perfectionist Child

While there are many ways to help your perfectionist loosen up a bit some of the best ways include:

  • Letting your child know it’s okay to make mistakes
  • Modelling appropriate behaviour for your child by not overreacting to your own mistakes
  • Discuss your own weaknesses, emphasizing that we all make mistakes
  • Encourage positive self-talk
  • Helping your child handle disappointment
  • Praising effort, not grades
  • Empathizing with her feelings
  • Being careful with the criticism
  • Teaching reality checks
  • Monitoring your expectations

Another, extremely effective coping strategy to help your perfectionist child is to teach them mediation and relaxation techniques.  Relaxation is a great way to bond with your child and it will also give him or her a valuable tool to use as they get older and things get more stressful.

When my daughter is anxious at night, she often has difficulty falling asleep as the worries and what-ifs go around in her head.  A great way to help her relax and let go of some of her stress is to do a progressive relaxation exercise that involves both deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation. Even if you’ve never done it before, it’s simple to learn and guide your child through.

Recognizing the signs of perfectionism in your child is tricky. We all want our kids to do their chores, finish their homework without us asking them to and clean their room on their own.  However, when the stress of performing up to their unrealistic expectations begins to affect your child’s self-esteem and self-worth, it’s up to us, as parents, to help our perfectionist learn the coping skills to better deal with the self-made pressure.

 

 

Related articles
Enhanced by Zemanta
category: Anxiety, blog, Children, Parenting
tags: , , , , , ,

My Child Is Stressed: What Can I Do?

Posted by  on Monday, January 30th 2012     

Anxiety is a normal part of life. We have all experienced at one time or another. At times, it serves a purpose, like helping to motivate us to study for a test or practice for a speech.  However, in this fast-paced, high-tech, activity-packed world today, the stress and anxiety that children may experience is an all too common a problem.  Even very young children can experience stress to some degree.

Why Do Kids Feel Stressed?

As an adult, we can recognize the stress we feel due to the demands placed on us at work and at home. These are called external stressors.  But stress can also come from internal factors, namely the demands we place on ourselves, leading to feelings of being overwhelmed and frustrated.  Children are also very susceptible to both these external and internal factors.  Children feel pressure at school to succeed, in the playground to fit in and at home trying to meet the demands of their parents.

What Does Stress Look Like?

Changes in behavior or temperament are common flags that may indicate that your child may be experiencing stress and anxious feelings. Some common signs include:

  • Complaints of stomach aches or headaches
  • Sleep problems or difficulty concentrating
  • Behavioral changes such as moodiness, a short temper or clinginess
  • Development of a nervous habit, such as nail biting
  • Refusal to go to school or getting into trouble at school

What Can I Do To Help? 

As a parent, you can’t protect your kids from stress — but you can help them develop healthy ways to cope with stress and solve everyday problems keeping the harmful effects of stress at a minimum.

  • Parents should monitor their own stress levels. In studies on families who have experienced traumatic circumstances such as earthquakes or war, the best predictor of children’s coping is how well their parents cope. Parents need to be particularly aware of when their own stress levels contribute to marital conflict. Frequent fighting between parents is unsettling for children.
  • Notice out loud. Tell your child when you notice that something’s bothering him or her. If you can, name the feeling you think your child is experiencing. (“It seems like you’re still mad about what happened at the playground.”) This shouldn’t sound like an accusation (as in, “OK, what happened now? Are you still mad about that?”), nor should it put your child on the spot. It’s just a casual observation that you’re interested in hearing more about your child’s concern. Be sympathetic and show you care and want to understand.
  • Keep communication lines open: Ask your child to tell you what’s wrong and listen with attentiveness, patience and caring. Kids feel better about themselves when they have a good relationship with their parents.
  • Help your child to problem solve: Encourage them to think of solutions to their stressful situations. Guide them toward good decisions, even if it means giving up some extra-curricular activities. Let your child be the guide.
  • Try relaxation: Studies have shown that relaxation and mediation lower blood pressure and raise endorphins to reduce the effects of stress. It also calms the mind and can help a stressed child fall asleep. There are many guided imagery CD’s on the market to help you through. If you can’t find any, a simple exersize which focuses on tensing and then relaxing each body part often works wonders.
  • Teach your child it’s ok to make mistakes: A good start is admitting your mistakes to your children with an “I’m sorry” or “Oops” when you goof-up. If the situation warrants, use personal examples of stressful situations you encountered during your childhood. Even if you were unsuccessful in dealing with your situation, you’ll teach your kids that you can learn from and even laugh at your own mistakes.

The impact of stress usually depends on a child’s personality, maturity, and style of coping. It is not always obvious, however, when children are feeling overwhelmed. Children often have difficulty describing exactly how they feel. Stress can affect children’s physical health as well. Asthma, hay fever, migraine headache and gastrointestinal illnesses like colitis, irritable bowel syndrome and peptic ulcer can be exacerbated by stressful situations. With patience, attentiveness, kindness and concern, however, parents can help their children to cope with the effects of stress and create healthy habits that will last a lifetime.

category: Anxiety, blog, Parenting
tags: , ,