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Why Diet Should Be A Four Letter Word

Posted by  on Tuesday, July 3rd 2012     

This post is re-posted with permission from Second Act Consignment Dancewear.

I was surfing the web today and came upon a book entitled “Maggie Goes on a Diet.” My heart sank. As a therapist and the mother of two girls who dance competitively, I have always been very aware of the issues surrounding body image and weight. While I do believe that childhood obesity is a serious issue, to create a book whose premise is that by losing weight, Maggie is transformed from an insecure overweight girl to a normal sized soccer star is unsettling.

As a dance mom, the issue of a positive lifestyle, healthy eating habits and taking care of your body have often been discussed in our household. I try to focus on how and why to make healthy food choices, why we need to stay active and when (due to strains and injuries) we need to rest and take care of our bodies. Not once in our discussions has the words diet come into the conversation. I believe that Maggie Goes on a Diet, which is, in fact, aimed at 4-8 year olds, sends the wrong message. It implies that if you lose weight, you will be happier, more self-confident and popular. I feel that this is the exact opposite message that I want my daughters, who are already bombarded by negative messages in the media, to hear.

I agree that childhood obesity is epidemic. One in three North American children is overweight or obese. But to aim a book at 4-8 year olds that deigns to use the word “diet” is not the answer. Counting calories and pursuing weight loss is for not appropriate for children. Eating disorders often begin with diets and inadequate nourishment during critical growth stages. Although not all children are predisposed to anorexia, bulimia or other eating disorders, the best prevention tool we have is making sure young people are neither encouraged to nor allowed to diet. Instead, parents should be modeling healthy eating habits, teaching their children how to make healthy food choices, engaging in fun family fitness and helping their children focus on their strengths and skills instead of their looks.

What do you think?

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Ten Tips For Talking To Your Child About Sex

Posted by  on Monday, April 2nd 2012     

girl kissing pregnant bellySex is an important part of being human. Not only does it involve the physical act of intercourse but it also involves a whole host of accompanying emotions. However, talking about sex is something most people would rather avoid doing and talking to your children about sex may come second to root canal on the list of things we would rather not do. Nevertheless, talking to your children about love, intimacy and sex is an important part of parenting. But how do you know when your child is ready to talk about sex and how, as a parent, do you broach the subject?

The first step in talking to your children about sex is recognizing what they can understand, given their age and level of development. Below are general guideline to what your child can understand, in age-appropriate terms, and what types of questions they may ask:

What A Child Can Understand

  • Ages 2-3: The right words for penis and vagina
  • Ages 3-4: That a baby comes from Mommy’s tummy
  • Ages 4-5: How a baby is born
  • Ages 6-7: A general idea of how babies are made ranging from “mommy and daddy made you together” to “a tiny cell inside daddy called a sperm joined with a tiny cell inside Mommy called an egg.”
  • Ages 8-9: The basics of intercourse, its importance in marriage, love and relationships and a basic understanding of safety topics, such as sexual abuse and rape.
  • 9-11: The changes associated with puberty and an awareness of sex-related topics on the news.
  • Age 12+: Formulation of their own values about sex and sexuality

When you were younger, it’s likely that the one thing you dreaded most was the infamous “sex talk” with your parents. Experts today recognize that the best way to prepare your child is actually not to have “the sex talk.” Instead, it’s best to begin teaching your child about sex and sexuality at birth.

Laying the foundation for an open dialogue about sex and sexuality should begin as early as possible. Studies show that kids who feel that they can talk with their parents about sex – because their parents are not uncomfortable talking openly about it and listen to what their kids have to say – are less likely to engage in high-risk sexual behaviors as teenagers than kids who do not feel they can come to their parents with questions and concerns.

Learning about sexuality is a normal part of child development and trying to answer your child’s questions in an open, honest and age-appropriate way is always the best strategy. When beginning the dialogue about sex and sexuality, parents should respond to the needs and curiosity level of their child, offering no more or no less information than the child can understand. Here are some steps to follow:

  1. Start Early: By talking to your child about sex and sexuality early on, in a very simple, age-appropriate way, you will get more comfortable talking about sex so when the really big questions come up, it won’t hit you out of the blue.
  2. Take the Initiative: If your child is not asking questions about sex, look for opportunities to bring it up. Taking them to the farm in the spring when the calves and lambs are born or asking them how they think the baby got into your friend’s belly is a great way to break the ice.
  3. Use Teachable Moments: When you’re at the movies with your pre-teen or see a couple kissing on the street, use these moments to explore how your child feels about relationships and sex.
  4. Give Accurate, Age-Appropriate Information: While a 3-year-old doesn’t need to know the explicit details of sexual acts, by laying a solid foundation with age-appropriate information, you are opening the door for future conversations.
  5. Talk About The Emotional Aspects of Sexuality: When talking about sex, make sure your child knows that adult relationships are more than just sex. They involve care, concern, and responsibility. Discussing the consequences of sexual activity should also be included in conversation with any pre-teen or teenage child.
  6. Anticipate the Next Stage: It’s scary enough growing up and changing. If your child is prepared for the next stage of puberty before it happens, you will reduce any anxiety that your child will experience.
  7. Talk About The Opposite Sex: Don’t forget to include a dialogue about what’s happening to the other sex as well.
  8. Make Your Values Known: While it’s important to talk about the mechanics of sex, it’s important to make sure your child knows and understands your values about love, sex and relationships. They may not adopt all your values as they grow but at least they will be aware of them.
  9. Model a Healthy Relationship with Your Spouse: Your relationship with your partner is your child’s first model of a relationship. By treating each other with respect, enjoying each other’s company and modeling a caring and compassionate relationship, your child will seek that out in a future partner.
  10. Relax: It’s ok if you don’t know all the answers to your child’s questions. A willingness to explore the answers together will go a long way toward ensuring that the lines of communication stay open.

 

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10 Tips On How Dads Can Stay Connected To Their Teenage Daughters

Posted by  on Tuesday, March 27th 2012     

dad kissing daughter on her headFather-daughter relationships are complicated. When she is young, your little girl is follows you around either vowing to be just like you or swearing that she wants to marry you when she grows up. Then, almost before you can blink your eyes, she starts talking on the phone to friends, texting, wearing make-up and (gulp) dating.  It’s often difficult to feel connected to your little girl as she grows up but studies have consistently shown that girls who have a good relationship with their fathers have healthier relationships with men, increased self-esteem and sense of self-worth and fewer overall mental health concerns.  How can you nurture your relationship with your daughter without either pushing her away or locking her in her room till adolescence is over? By making an effort to stay connected, to nurture your relationship with your daughter and to keep the lines of communication open.

How To Stay Connected

  1. Avoid the quick fix: As a father, it’s natural to want to fix any and all problems that your daughter has. However, sometimes all she needs is someone to listen and validate what she’s feeling. Girls are often more interested in talking out their issues than they are in an immediate fix. By being that ear she needs, you are providing her with a sense of support and the knowledge that you are interested in her problems.
  2. Understanding girl-world: Although it may seem awkward at first, by making an effort to understand your daughter’s world, which will often be fraught with girl-drama, make-up and boys, you are making an effort to understand her. Take the time to learn about what’s important to your daughter. This will help keep the lines of communication open and give you both something to talk about.
  3. Respect her mom: By showing their mother respect, whether married to them or not, you will teach your daughter about healthy relationships and the way that a woman deserves to be treated. Demeaning their mother will only succeed in putting distance between you and your daughter.
  4. Help with homework: While homework may not be your definition of fun, it can be a great bonding experience for you and your daughter. It will also show your daughter that you value learning and education.
  5. Make and keep promises: By keeping your word, you are building a sense of trust with your daughter. If you’ve committed to be taking her to the doctor or attending her dance recital, then following through is critical. By modeling trustworthy and committed behavior, your daughter will seek out other men in her life that are also committed and trustworthy.
  6. Spend time with her: Taking her on father-daughter “dates” and spending one-on-one time with her in a fun and relaxed way will help solidify the bond that you two share. Let her choose the activity, whether it’s lunch, a movie or shopping. By spending time together you will be solidifying your bond with her and let her know the value you place on your relationship with her.
  7. Just be there: By being present in your daughter’s life, whether it’s hanging out at home, watching TV together, having a family dinner, your daughter will come to trust your presence there and this can help create a pathway for conversation. Typically, the more you see your daughter, the closer she will feel toward you.
  8. Respect her privacy: It’s often difficult for a father to deal with their daughter’s changing body but it is a reality as your daughter grows into womanhood. Father’s can still play an active role in their daughter’s lives while respecting their daughter’s closed door.
  9. Focus on her talents, not on her looks: In today’s society, emphasis is often placed on beauty and looks, rather than talent, intelligence and skill. By complimenting your daughter’s ability in school, her performance in a play or her skill on the swim team, you are reinforcing the fact that it’s what’s inside that counts, not external beauty.
  10. Get physical (sort of): While many fathers are often a bit wary of physical contact with their developing daughters, hugs, kisses on the cheek and pats on the back are still important. Girls still need to feel their fathers love, not just hear about it.

Few things matter more in a girl’s mental, physical and social development than the relationship with her father. The father-daughter bond is an example for male-female relationships later on and as the first man in your daughter’s life, it’s critical that you provide your daughter with a roadmap of how healthy positive male-female relationships can look. By treating her, her mother and all women with respect, by acknowledging your daughter’s accomplishments and skill, by listening to her without judgment, valuing her opinion and showing an interest in her life, you are modeling how a healthy relationship can and should be. By helping your daughter feel good about herself, you are providing her with the necessary tools to be a better friend, a better wife and a better mother later in life.

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The Effects of Divorce on Children

Posted by  on Monday, March 12th 2012     

girls sitting between two parentsMost parents going through a divorce recognize that the hardest part is trying to protect their children from the fallout. Despite most good intentions, however, children often find themselves caught up in the emotional turmoil and what they need most from their parents is reassurance and support. While each child will deal with the emotional issues of divorce in his or her own way, there are typical symptomatology common to each phase of childhood.  By understanding what causes stress for the children and by being prepared for the different types of behaviors that children manifest at each age, parents will be better equipped to help their children navigate through the confusion of divorce.

What Causes Stress For Children of Divorce

  • Change: The family that they’ve always known is changing. With this change, there will be new responsibilities, new living arrangements, perhaps new schools and new routines. Children may lose contact with old friends or family member and need to make new friends.
  • Loss of Contact: Attachment is an important part of development and with a divorce, any change in the amount of contact with a parent, sibling or extended family member can cause a great deal of stress
  • Fear of abandonment: Often, children fear that if the parents no longer love each other, they may stop loving them as well. They may worry about who will take care of them and may feel unsafe.
  • Hostility between parents: One of the biggest causes of stress in children of divorce is the amount of tension between the parents. Arguments and tension between parents can cause feelings of guilt, anger, isolation and confusion. With any type of discord between their parents, the child often feels as if they need to choose sides.

How Children React to Divorce

Infants

While the infant will have no understanding of what is going on between the parents, they will react to changes in mood, tension levels and energy levels.  They may react by developing a change in eating or sleeping patterns and may exhibit more crying and irritability.

Strategies for Parents
  • Stay calm
  • Create consistent schedules and routines
  • Maintain warm, safe contact

Toddlers

While toddlers can understand that one parent has moved away, they often don’t understand why and frequently spend time waiting for them to come back.  Toddlers may regress to infantile behaviors such as wetting the bed and thumb-sucking. They may feel anger but not know how to express it appropriately leading to acting out and aggressive behaviors.  Toddlers may also withdraw, be overly clingy and show increased anxiety.

Strategies for Parents
  • Create consistent routines and schedules
  • Reassure and nurture your child
  • Spend extra time with your child
  • Let them demonstrate regressive behaviors for a bit but set limits
  • Model appropriate expression of anger and sadness
  • Teach your child to use words instead of angry behaviors

Preschoolers

Similar to toddlers, the preschooler understands that there has been a change but does not understand what’s really going on. Preschoolers are at the age of magical thinking and feel guilty and blame themselves for the separation, thinking that if they were better behaved, the parents will reunite.  They may even have reconciliation fantasies. Often, they demonstrate regressive behaviors, feel anger and sadness without knowing how to express it and may exhibit sleep and eating disturbances. Nightmares are not uncommon as is excessive worry about the future.

Strategies for Parents
  • Encourage your child to talk about their feelings
  • Read appropriate divorce related books together to encourage discussion
  • Allow the non-custodial parent to spend time with the child
  • Reassure your child that they will always be safe and cared for
  • Reassure the child that the divorce is not their fault
  • Spend quality time with your child each day

School-Aged Children

School-aged children are beginning to understand what divorce is and that their parents won’t be living together anymore.  At this age, reconciliation fantasies are very prevalent and children frequently feel deceived by their parents and rejected by the parent that left.  They may lose interest in school, friends and activities they once found enjoyable. They often worry about the future and may experience eating, sleeping difficulties coupled with psychosomatic complaints like stomach-ache and headaches.

Strategies for Parents
  • Answer all your child’s questions in an appropriate way
  • Be aware of signs of depression and anxiety – seek professional advice if depression or anxiety is prolonged
  • Encourage your child to talk about how he or she feels
  • Don’t treat your child as a friend, sharing inappropriate information about the other parent
  • Don’t speak ill of the other parent or use your child as a go between
  • Don’t use expressions such as “be brave” or “don’t cry”
  • Model appropriate ways to express and deal with feelings
  • Reassure your child that all will be ok
  • Keep daily routines intact
  • Spend quality time with your child

Preteens and Adolescents

While the preteen and teen does understand the ramifications of divorce, often they do not accept it. They may feel intense anger toward one or both parents. They may feel disillusioned or abandoned by the parent who left. They may show either extreme bad behavior, becoming involved in high-risk behaviors, like drugs, alcohol or sex or extreme good behavior, trying to bring the family back together. They may worry about financial matters and try to take over adult responsibilities. They may also become over-involved in marital issues.

Strategies for Parents
  • Encourage communication
  • Keep routines and schedules consistent
  • Set appropriate limits
  • Don’t discuss adult issues or issues pertaining to the other parent
  • Remind your child they do not “own” the problem to reduce feelings of guilt
  • Maintain strong co-parenting to reduce the teen from playing one parent off the other

In order to minimize the psychological effects of divorce on your children, it’s important to meet them where they are developmentally and meet both their physical and emotional needs with warmth, reassurance and consistency.  Children need to be cared for by both their mother and father and both spouses, regardless of geography, need to remain involved in their children’s lives.  Finally, no matter what, children can NEVER be used as pawns before, during or after your divorce.

 

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10 Tips To Parent Your Teen

Posted by  on Saturday, February 25th 2012     

Mom and daughter talkingYou’ve made it through 4 am feedings, the terrible two’s, potty training and schoolyard squabbles. Just when you though it was going to get easier, your child hits adolescence and you are face to face with some challenges that you were not prepared for.  Adolescence is fraught with hormone changes, a struggle for independence and conflicting emotions that can leave both teens and parents reeling.  Questions arise about sexuality, drinking, relationships with peers and identity issues.  It may seem that just at the time when a teen needs their parents’ advice the most, they become secretive, uncommunicative and unresponsive to your authority.  The methods of discipline that worked in the past, no longer work and many parents seem to be at their wit’s end.

Surviving the Teen Years

Many kids announce the arrival of teenage years with a striking change in behavior, both with their parents and with their friends.  Teens are beginning to separate from their parents and they are striving to become more independent.  They are also beginning to recognize how others, especially their peers, see them and their place in the “group” and often an peers become much more important than parents when it comes to making the important decisions about both positive and negative behaviors.

Many teens during this period try on different identities, different looks, even different friends in their attempt to create a new identity, separate from their parents.  They often reject all the things that they relate to their childhood, and of being a child. They don’t want you to do things for them and they don’t want you coming places with them. This can often cause conflict between parents and teens, which, in turn, results in the teen pulling away even more.  This can be confusing to parents, especially when they have had a good relationship with their child in the past.

As a parent, it may seem like nothing you say is right anymore.  No matter what you say, even when you feel you’re on your teen’s side, it’s the wrong thing.  Parenting a teenager is not easy. It takes determination, creativity, flexibility and lots of love.  So how, as a parent, can you successfully parent your teen, allowing them the independence they strive for, coupled with the guidance they still need, without loosing your mind.

Communication and Respect are Key

  1. Treat your teen like an individual: By treating your child as an individual, with opinions and values of their own, you will facilitate the path of communication. This doesn’t mean that you always need to agree with your teen, but by listening to their point of view, and discussing it with them, you will increase the chance that they will come to you in the future.
  2. Pick your battles: There are some battles that are just not worth the fight. The color of their hair, their style of clothing or the music they listen to seems to pale against the more serious issues of teen drinking, sex or drugs.  By letting some things slide, you can save the objections for the things that really matter.
  3. Put yourself in your teens place: Take the time to really listen and to practice empathy when dealing with your teenager.  By normalizing the feelings that your teen is experiencing, validating them and understanding that is okay to want to be grown up one minute and stay a child the next.
  4. Talk to your teen about your expectations: When things are calm, take the time to talk to your teen about drugs, sex, alcohol and tobacco use – before it becomes an issue.  Make sure they are aware of your values. Talk about what can happen when they are faced with the tough decisions. Set guidelines about what your expectations are of them, and let them set expectations for you. If the expectations on both sides are reasonable, they are more likely to be met.
  5. Argue with your teen: It may sound counterproductive to argue with your teen but when done in an appropriate way – by listening to your teen’s opinions and validating their feelings, you are teaching them how to stand up for what they believe. You still don’t have to agree with everything they say but it will at least encourage them to come to you when they have questions.
  6. Encourage problem solving: As hard as it may be not to rush to your teens aid, by allowing your teen to falter at times, you will be helping them learn valuable problem-solving skills that they will need in later life. The same goes with accepting consequences for their actions, whether at home, at work or at school. In life, there are always consequences for our actions and as adults, it’s rare that we have someone to get us out of the jams we get ourselves into.
  7. Respect their privacy: While safety is always an issue, and you should know where your teen is going and with whom, respecting their privacy can go a long way in forming a strong relationship with your adolescent. Their room, email, texts and phone calls should be private, unless you notice some warning signs of trouble.  Often, a little trust can go a long way.
  8. Know where your teen is online: While it is important to respect their privacy, teens should not be given unlimited access to the Internet.  Discussions of Internet safety should occur often and computers should be kept in a public part of the house. It’s not unreasonable for phones, computers, texts to be turned off at a set time.
  9. Reward your teen for being trustworthy: Everyone likes a bit of positive feedback. If your teen is following your rules, respecting your guidance and being trustworthy, reward them with things like a later curfew for a party or being allowed to go out with friends instead on a family outing (although family outings should be encouraged).
  10. Know the warning signs: While the teen years are often filled with change and turmoil, a change that is too drastic or too prolonged may be a sign of deeper issues that need to be addressed with a counselor or helping professional:
  • Skipping school
  • Failing grades
  • Drastic weigh loss or gain
  • Sleep problems
  • Extreme moodiness
  • Extremely withdrawn
  • Talk of suicide – even jokes
  • Sudden change in friends
  • Signs of drug or alcohol use

As parents, we have all survived the teenage years and we all know that these years are not easy.   As a parent, try not to forget what it was like to be a teenager. Remembering to parent with love, reason and respect for your teen’s burgeoning individuality may help reduce tension and create a healthy parenting relationship.

 

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How To Help Your Child Deal With Peer Pressure

Posted by  on Saturday, February 11th 2012     

girl resisting peer pressureI was driving in the car the other day with my daughter and I asked what she thought a good topic to write about would be. She thought for a moment and said she thought I should write about that thing when your friends make you do something you don’t want to do. “You know, Mom,” she said, “peer pressure.”

Peer pressure refers to the influence exerted by a peer group in encouraging someone to change his or her attitudes, behaviours or values in order to be part of a group. Your friends, or peers, influence your life even if you don’t realize it. Just by spending time with them, you learn from your friends, you listen to them and you often value their opinions. Peer pressure is one thing that all kids have in common. It’s everywhere and no matter how popular and self-assured your child is it is likely that they have, at one time or another, felt pressure to conform or act in a certain way. How successful your child is in dealing with peer pressure, however, depends a great deal on how they feel about themselves and their place in their peer group.

There are certain risk factors that make a child or teen more susceptible to peer pressure and at a higher risk for conforming to group behaviours, whether positive or negative.

;

  • Low self-esteem
  • Lack of self-confidence
  • Uncertain of place within peer group
  • Feeling isolated from peers and family
  • Lack of strong ties to friends
  • Poor academic performance
  • Fear of one’s peers
  • Lack of interests or hobbies
  • The need to “fit in”

It’s hard to say no when you are tempted by peer pressure. We all want to fit in and be liked. We all have a desire to be part of a group that makes us feel part of something bigger than ourselves. There are, however, healthy and unhealthy ways of fitting in and giving in to peer pressure can have long-term consequences. So how can we, as parents, ensure that our children are armed with the right tools to combat harmful peer pressure?

  • Get them involved: In activities with peers whose values are in line with your family values
  • Prepare them: By giving them the tools to handle peer pressure. Make sure they know your stance on drugs, alcohol and sex
  • Talk to your child: Keep the lines of communication open and make time to sit down and talk to your child about issues that they are dealing with

The Rule of Ten

In order to prepare your child or teen with the social skills needed to deal with peer pressure, try to encourage them to ask themselves these ten questions when confronted with a decision they are unsure about.

  1. Is this something I really want to do?
  2. Do I know it’s wrong?
  3. Can I get hurt?
  4. Could this hurt someone else?
  5. What would my parents say?
  6. Could I get suspended from school?
  7. Will I get grounded
  8. What would the consequences be if I do this?
  9. Is it against the law?
  10. Could I go to jail?

It’s hard to stand up against your friends. It takes courage and strength and family support. Telling them to avoid places where they feel uncomfortable may work but it is still worthwhile to give them the tools to know what to do when they do encounter peer pressure.

Prepare your child by encouraging them to think through situations before they happen. Help them plan out what they would say ahead of time. They can practice what to say with you or in front of a mirror. Arrange a “code-word” with your child or teen, a phrase they can use when they feel they are in a risky situation. Teach them they can call home, use the phrase and you will come get them, no questions asked. Be the bad guy by letting your child or teen blame you for not doing something. By saying “My mom would kill me” is an easier way out then just saying no.

It’s not easy resisting negative peer pressure and even when your child or teen has a positive group of friends, it is likely that they end up in a tricky peer pressure situation at some point. By making sure your child or teen has the skills to successfully navigate these situations, you will increase the likelihood that he or she will come out of the situation stronger and more self-assured knowing that he or she has made the right choice.

category: Adolescents, blog, Children
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How To Raise Powerful Girls

Posted by  on Sunday, February 5th 2012     

We all want our children to grow up strong, confident and independent. We want them to have healthy relationships with others, a great self-image and the knowledge that they can do anything they set their minds to. However, in reality, many young girls are still struggling with poor body image, low self-esteem, social pressures and academic difficulties.

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is the feeling of pride we have in our accomplishments and ourselves. Studies show that girls with poor self-esteem struggle through pre-adolescence and adolescence and are at a greater risk for depression, anxiety, eating disorders, drug and alcohol problems and risky sexual behaviors. Helping girls to feel good about themselves during their tween and teen years will help them to lead happier and more productive lives as they grow into adulthood. Powerful girls grow up feeling secure in themselves. They learn to make positive choices about their own lives and the world around them. They become strong teachers, mothers, advocates and leaders. So how, in this society that begins to put pressure on girls in childhood, can parents minimize the effects of peer pressure and media on our daughters and help them develop a healthy self-image and positive outlook on life?

Raising Powerful Girls

  • Encourage your daughter to follow her passion: Whether it’s in sports, art, music or drama, full engagement with an activity she loves will boost her self-esteem and resilience.
  • Encourage her to be part of a team: Whether it is a sports team, dance company or drama cast, by getting your daughter involved in a positive group activity will help her learn to develop skills to build relationships and will increase her self-esteem.
  • Encourage her to solve her own problems: By rushing to fix problem, you will be reinforcing a sense of low self-worth and the feeling that she cannot solve her own problems. While it is important to intervene at times, try to help your daughter learn strong problem solving skills by asking for her opinions, ideas and solutions for problems.
  • Encourage participation in a physical activity. According to studies, girls who are active have a greater chance to excel academically than non-active girls. Participating in any kind of physical activity has also been shown to reduce stress, depression, and chronic diseases.
  • Spend time together: Let her decide on what you should do together. Something fun or serious, it doesn’t matter.
  • Get Dad involved: Girls with involved fathers are more likely to go to college, are more ambitious, more successful in school, more likely to attain careers of their own, less dependent, more self protective, and less likely to date an abusive man.
  • Listen to her: Make eye contact, drop what else you’re doing and really listen to her. Ask questions, be interested and engage, engage, engage.
  • Speak positively about yourself: Providing a positive role model for your daughter is key. If you are strong, positive, self-assured and caring, chances are good that she will be too. Convey the values that are important to you and your family.
  • Get the entire family involved in healthy food choices: The best way to have a daughter with healthy eating habits is to come from a family with healthy eating habits. Modeling a healthy attitude toward food and positive lifestyle choices – no smoking, drinking or drug use – will increase the likelihood that your daughter will make the same positive choices.
  • Let your daughter have a voice: In the decisions that affect her life. Let her choose her own clothes and what activities she participates in. Even when she disagrees with you, teach her how to voice her opinion in a positive and assertive manner. Give her the tools to navigate relationships with others and maintain her convictions, even when you disagree.
  • Encourage her to take physical risk: Help her face the things she is afraid of and praise her when she conquers her fears. Whether as part of a team or individually, succeeding in physical activity will boost your daughter’s self-confidence
  • Tell your daughter you love her: Over and over again. Unconditionally. Tell her with your words and your actions. Tell her why you love her, why you are proud of her. Tell her what makes her strong and beautiful. Validate the person she is becoming. Spend time with her. Listen to her. Support her and most of all, enjoy her!
category: Adolescents, Children, Parenting
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8 Signs of an Eating Disorder

Posted by  on Friday, February 3rd 2012     

Adolescence can be a very stressful time in a person’s life. It’s when they begin to discover who they are, they begin to separate from their parents, they start to establish new friendships, and their bodies begin to change.  Teenagers are under a lot of pressure to fit in.  They often spend hours worrying about how they look, what other’s think and they try to conform to what they believe are society’s “beauty ideals.”  The media doesn’t help and often spend millions of advertising dollars to extol the virtues of being thin.

In additional to trying to conform to society’s beauty ideals, a chaotic home life can also lead to a teen developing an eating disorder. Emotional, physical or sexual abuse can make a teen feel out of control. In order to gain a sense of control over their environment, an adolescent may develop an eating disorder as a way of blocking out the painful and negative feelings. If they are going through a divorce situation, an adolescent may turn to food as a way of comfort, or as an attention-getting strategy to take the focus of any fighting going on between their parents.  There are a multitude of reasons why a teen could develop an eating disorder.  But how can you, as a parent, recognize the signs of an eating disorder?

  1. Hiding food and food wrappers. This is more than just forgetting a food wrapper in your room, or a dish on the floor.  It’s about food or food wrappers deliberately tucked away in drawers, crumpled under the bed, or stashed behind the dresser. This could indicate binge-eating episodes.
  2. Continuously backing out of dinner plans. Teens with eating disorders fear eating in front of people. As a result, they may isolate themselves by declining plans that involve eating out with friends or family. Eating alone makes it easier to hide unusual habits, like eating way too little or too much or leaving the table abruptly to throw-up.
  3. Playing with their food . If your teen cuts her dinner into small pieces and pushes it around on the plate to make it look like she’s eating, it could indicate a problem.
  4. Picky eater. Nibbling on a few select foods and eating them in small quantities, as well as weighing food and being vigilant about counting calories. These may be early warning signs of an eating disorder.
  5. Frequent excuses to skip meals. If your teen is continuously telling you that she already or that she’ll eat later at school, this could indicate a problem. This may be another way to avoid eating without calling attention to it.
  6. Disappearing after meals. If your child often excuses herself right after dinner and heads to the bathroom, she may be throwing up to reduce her calorie intake, a symptom of bulimia.
  7. Wearing baggy clothes. Loose-fitting clothing help teens disguise their shrinking bodies. Avoiding mirrors (or conversely, being obsessed with looking at themselves in the mirror) is a telltale sign of body image issues and preoccupation with weight. Both can be indicators of an eating disorder.
  8. The physical signs: In addition to the behavioral signs listed above, there are also telltale physical signs that your teen may have an eating disorder: Loss of menstruation, pale, dry skin, thinning hair, brittle nails, light-headedness, sensitivity to cold and bruising easily are all signs of anorexia while swollen glands, decaying teeth, chronic sore throat and stomach and chest pains are physical symptoms of bulimia.

As a parent, it’s hard to admit that your child has a problem, especially if you feel that you are to blame.  The first step in recovery, however, is recognizing the problem.  Once you have taken that step, it’s important to talk to your teen and consider getting help from a counselor who specializes in eating disorders. Eating disorders are a treatable mental illness and knowing the warning signs is key for early intervention.

category: Adolescents, Eating Disorders
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